


the courage of stars

by holtzmannzz



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Sorry Not Sorry, mention of meta crisis ten but it’s sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-14 23:31:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21024041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holtzmannzz/pseuds/holtzmannzz
Summary: The Doctor finds herself suddenly stranded in a very familiar alternate version of London. She just can’t help herself but to check up on a very important person.





	the courage of stars

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Со стойкостью звёзд](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26140747) by [Vote_Missy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vote_Missy/pseuds/Vote_Missy)

> i’ve been writing this story in my head for months and figured it was about time to put it down into actual words. i hope you all like it*

The TARDIS landed, crashed more like, in a whoosh of beeping noises and warning lights, fixing itself to its current position before shutting down. The hum of the engines shutting down seemed to go on forever.  
“Argh, no!” The woman shouted, flipping a row of switches on the main console, but looking dejected as they all failed to fix the problem. The TARDIS lights slowly faded before turning off completely, leaving the space feeling empty and cold. Dead, almost.  
“Just brilliant.” The Doctor said aloud to herself. “Where are we, anyhow?” She took a quick glance at the screen before letting out a loud huffing noise. “Can’t even read the bloody location. If you needed to charge yourself darling, all you needed to do was ask!” Her arms flew up as she spoke to the TARDIS. She knew the machine was asleep but she could swear she heard it answer her with a faint buzz.  
Her hands busied themselves setting the mainframe into standby, allowing the system to charge itself back up. “I’ll just made do then, shall I? Blimey, something must’ve really shaken you up, eh?” Her voice filled with something, maybe annoyance, maybe fear, but she couldn’t quite place it. If something had shaken the TARDIS up enough to drain her power, it must’ve been pretty big.  
The doctor took a hesitant glance at the door, silently asking herself if she should even dare. Although, who was she kidding? Of course she dared. Besides, it would be a few hours at least until there was enough power to travel anywhere.  
She grabbed her coat, which was slung over the console and dashed off, double checking her pocket for her sonic before taking in a deep breath and opening the door.  
At first, it seemed nothing was wrong at all.  
Earth, definitely. Green grass, trees, cars, people. The Doctor grinned, taking a step out and closing the TARDIS door behind her.  
She bent down to the ground beneath her and scooped a bit of soil into her palm. She lightly placed some of it into her mouth and smiled. “London! I love London.”  
Somewhere close by she could hear instruments, saxophone maybe. The melody put a pep into her step and she glided towards the walking path in front of her. Her boots tapped the stone underneath them to the beat of the music, nearly making her forget whatever it was that had stranded her here.  
Although, she did remember. Almost instantly, and simply by looking up.  
A few long seconds passed before the woman was even able to process a thought.  
“That is not possible.” The Doctor breathed as she looked up into a sky full of zeppelins. Her mouth popped open and she started to spin in every which direction, hoping for something that could deny what she knew to be the truth. Suddenly she began to feel very ill, as if her entire body had forgotten how to run itself. “That is not possible.” She repeated.  
She turned on the spot and started to dash back to her TARDIS, sonic now in hand and being waved wildly in front of her. Her body slammed into the wooden doors of her ship with a loud crashing noise.  
“No, no, no!” She cried out, pulling desperately on the handles, her knuckles going white from her grasp on them. “You can’t do this to me, not here! Open up!” Her voice was a plea now, but a soft whine came from inside the doors to protest. “You cannot leave me here, God knows what I will do.” She begged, her voice no louder than a whisper, but she was not met with any give from the TARDIS. The doors stayed bolted, and The Doctor knew it would be hours before she’d be let back in. Her sonic pinged in her other hand to let her know her scans had been completed, and she looked at them with an expression that was not quite dread, but awfully close.  
Parallel universe. Parallel Earth. Parallel London. Pete’s World.  
The Doctor’s knees went weak and she fell backwards, her back hitting the side of the TARDIS as she slid downwards. Her body ended up on the ground as the breath escaped from her lungs. She felt as if she was going to explode, like every atom in her body was going to scatter and combust and leave her as nothing but ash in the air.  
She tried to focus on what she could sense. The sound of children playing at the park nearby. The warmth of the sun on her skin. The smell of freshly cut grass. The feeling of knowing she was out there somewhere.  
Suddenly, the feeling of utter dread seemed to dissipate. The doctor could feel her hearts beating inside of her chest, as if they were trying to get somewhere, trying to tell her to get up. Move. Get going, you!  
“Oh, the universe is so kind.” The Doctor smiled, getting up from her place on the ground and straightening out her coat. It occurred to her that she had absolutely no idea how to find Rose Tyler in this massive, beautiful, alternate world, but she was pretty confident she would work it out. At least, she figured, she knew where to begin.  
She shoved her sonic into her pocket and started towards the Powell Estate. 

~~

Her body led her right where her hearts needed her to go. She didn’t even have to think about it, before she could even blink, there she was. The most familiar sight in the world, but the heaviest pit in her stomach. This was it.  
Hesitantly, she tapped on the door. Her hearts were racing so quickly she seemed actually in fear that she may faint. A small voice from inside told her that she was too late. That Rose Tyler didn’t live here, that she never had. That she’d moved on and lived her life, as she was supposed to. With him and without her. She was about to turn away when she heard the latch inside the door unlock.  
A small girl, no older than four stood at the entrance. She had strawberry blonde hair, tied tightly into braids and a pair of bright colored overalls with stars on them. The Doctor shifted her gaze downward to look at the child. Her brows furrowed and she cleared her throat.  
“Hello, love.” The Doctor chimed out. “I think I may have the wrong address.” Her voice nearly broke as she spoke as her hearts started to accept that she may not find Rose here after all.  
“You dress funny.” The girl giggled, her cheeks squishing into themselves as she grinned.  
“I don’t! I think I dress pretty cool, actually.” She tugged on her suspenders and nodded. “Are your parents home? I’d like to ask them something about the people who used to live here.” The Doctor inquired, hoping with the last bit of strength in her that these people simply came after Rose. Perhaps they had a current address, or telephone number, or email, or... Or just anything.  
“My mummy’s home, but I don’t-” The young girl started, but was cut off as a voice came from deeper inside the apartment.  
“Mae? Who’re you talking to, baby?”  
The Doctor nearly fell backward. Every muscle in her body tightened. She wasn’t even sure if she was breathing or not.  
A woman turned the corner, blonde hair bouncing past her shoulders and sunlight in her eyes. Rose Tyler.  
“Can we help you?” Rose asked, putting a hand on the door and ushering the small girl slightly backwards from the entrance.  
“This is my friend, mum! Her names… Well, I don’t know her name, we’ve only just met. But she’s very nice and she dresses funny. And she seems very familiar.” Mae said, looking up at Rose and gleaming the most magnificent smile The Doctor had probably ever seen. Probably ever will see.  
“Baby, don’t say that about how she’s dressed , that’s not very nice.” Rose said, although The Doctor could swear she saw the hint of a smirk at her lips.  
“Can we help you?” Rose asked again, addressing the woman, who looked suddenly as if she could faint any second.  
The Doctor could kick herself for forgetting how utterly gorgeous Rose’s voice was. You’d think after all those adventures and nights left without sleep that the voice of Rose Tyler was something ingrained into her memory, but oh, how she was wrong. There would be no forgetting it now.  
“Are you alright?” Rose asked, looking again at the Doctor. Her face seemed full of worry. Why was she worried? Was something wrong? Was there something going on here that The Doctor hadn’t seen? Were they in danger? Why was she looking at her so funny?  
It was then The Doctor realized she hadn’t moved an inch since this whole interaction started. She let out a large huff of breath she’d been holding in and shook out her arms, trying to ease the tension in her body. “Yes.” She nodded.  
“Yes, sorry!” She repeated, in a more chipper tone. “I’m wonderful actually. My name’s Jane. Jane Smith. I’m a friend of your-” She paused a minute, then made an educated guess. “Your husband. We go way back. It’s nice to meet you.” The Doctor held out her hand in front of her.  
Rose’s shoulders fell, a slow, stuttering breath escaping her lips. She reached for Mae and lifted her up into her arms, holding her close.  
“It’s lovely to meet you.” She replied, her hand slowly grabbing onto The Doctor’s and shaking it.  
The Doctor wanted to bask in the feeling of being able to touch her, of feeling the warmth of her skin against her own, how rare and beautiful that was. But something stopped her.  
The look of utter heartbreak on Rose’s face was something that The Doctor never wanted to see again.  
“Is he around? I’d love to see him...” The Doctor said softly, an ache rising in her stomach.  
Rose’s mouth popped open. She looked as if she were about to say something, but instead turned her head around, hiding her face. She took a few seconds before turning back and taking a long breath.  
“I’m sorry,” She started, her voice weak. “You must not have heard.” The Doctor could feel herself about to break. “He… He died. A few months back.” Rose’s eyes started to water, and she shifted the little girl around in her arms to hold her closer.  
“It was a car accident. A drunk driver ran a red light.” Rose’s voice was very blank, her eyes staring off into nowhere, as if she were reliving the moment in her mind. “It was so ordinary. So stupidly ordinary, can you believe that?” She asked, but the Doctor didn’t get the impression that she was looking for an answer.  
“Mummy, it's okay..” Mae spoke up, lifting her small hand to touch Rose’s cheek. “He’s still here.”  
The air in the room had suddenly gotten very dense. The Doctor felt like she was drowning.  
Rose cleared her throat and smiled, weakly. “You’re right baby, he is. He’s always going to be in your heart, yeah?” She tried to smile through it, but the Doctor could tell she was about to break.  
The Doctor gently lifted her finger to say something again but was cut off by a small, yet determined, voice.  
“No, mum, he’s still here. He’s right there, don’t you see him?” Mae pointed at the Doctor, with an attitude as if she couldn’t believe Rose didn’t recognize her.  
The next few moments could have taken three hundred years off the Doctors life, and she wouldn’t have even cared.  
Rose’s eyes took a long time to shift from the face of her daughter to the face of the stranger in the doorway. Her eyes started to water, tears threatening to fall any second. The grip she had on holding her daughter started to loosen as the muscles in her body went into shock.  
The Doctor could do nothing but stare, wide-eyed confused, at the little girl. How can she know me? We haven’t met, have we? Surely not. Absolutely no way we’ve met before. How can she be so sure about this? Her father wasn’t even technically a timelord they shouldn’t be connected at all anymore. This is impossible.  
Rose was the first to break the silence.  
“W-What did you say your name was?” Her voice was weak, as if she was trying to convince herself that none of this was happening. As if the world had given her a load she couldn’t handle.  
The Doctor considered running. Turning her heel and booking it down the stairs. Going anywhere but here, anywhere she couldn’t possibly mess this up more than she already had.  
But she knew if she did, she’d never forgive herself. Never forgive that she hadn’t taken the chance to hold Rose Tyler in her arms again.  
“Jane Smith.”  
Rose’s arms weakened enough that she put Mae back on the ground slowly, in absolute dead silence. The girl looked between her mother and the Doctor, switching her glances as if to say: I was right! See? A small smirk appeared on her lips.  
Rose stood up straight like her body had started to weigh a million pounds. Had the universe just come crumbling down on her, or was it just the weight of resolution?  
“Please tell me this isn’t a joke. Because this is… This is cruel.” She finally locked eyes with the Doctor. Her intensity burning straight down into the pit of the Doctor’s stomach.  
If the Doctor hadn’t known Rose Tyler before all of this, she could have sworn she was in danger. She’s gotten looks like this before, but never from Rose.  
The doctor cleared her throat, and looked down to the ground. Her boots were worn, although she could swear she’d just gotten them in Sheffield a few weeks ago. The welcome mat under their door said Hello, friend! She could hear a bird singing a few blocks away. The faint scent of laundry soap lingered in the air.  
Focus.  
The Doctor looked back up. She slowly reached into her jacket and put her fingers around her sonic, pulling it gently out and putting it at her side, the small yellow light illuminating the space around her. A familiar small buzz rang through her ears.  
She opened her mouth to respond but, once again, was interrupted.  
Rose rushed forward, her body crashing into the Doctor and sending her backwards a bit. Rose wrapped her arms tight as if her life depended on it, her face dug hard into the Doctor's shoulder but neither woman could care. She was crying. They both were crying.  
The Doctor dropped her sonic and wrapped both arms around Rose’s middle, her hearts exploding as she finally felt the connection she’s only been able to dream about for hundreds of years. Thousands.  
A sob escaped the Doctors lips, a guttural sound, a sound she’s not sure she’s ever made before. Her head felt dizzy and light.  
Rose was limp, being completely held up by the other woman. Her hands went everywhere, feeling the softness of her new blonde hair, the smooth fabric of the hood of her jacket, the shape of her slender shoulders, the strong muscles on her back. She couldn’t take it all in fast enough.  
They stayed like this for a while.  
Mae was crying softly behind them, knowing well enough to wait her turn. She missed her father, so much so that she couldn’t bear it sometimes.There wasn’t a girl alive, she reckoned, that missed their father more than she did. But she knew her mother did, also.  
They cried themselves to sleep most nights, she would climb into her mother's bed so neither of them had to be alone. It was weird, for a while, to just be the two of them. She remembered hearing her mother scream, yell and pound her fists and cry and cry and cry when she thought Mae couldn’t hear. She remembered her mother holding her close during the funeral. The looks people gave her as if she was the saddest thing any of them had ever seen.  
The Doctor sniffled, pulling Mae from her thoughts.  
Rose let go of her embrace, taking a step back but keeping a hand on The Doctor’s shoulder.  
She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath.  
“How… How are you even here right now?”  
The doctor smirked. “I’ve really no idea.” She shrugged. “The TARDIS just, stopped. Dropped me off like a tourist. Locked me out.” She wanted to laugh, it all seemed like ages ago now.  
“I can’t believe it’s really you.” Rose sighed, her hand moving from the Doctor’s shoulder and slowly trailing down her side, eventually falling. She wrapped her arms in front of her chest.  
“I’m having a hard time, too, if we’re being honest.” The Doctor joked.  
Mae took a few steps forward and stood against Rose’s legs. The woman jumped, almost as if she had forgotten that they weren’t alone in the room.  
“Mae,” Rose shook her head, unfolding her arms and kneeling down to the girls height. “How on earth did you know who that was?”  
Mae looked up to the Doctor, who greeted her gaze with a big, goofy smile.  
Mae laughed and looked back at her mother. “I could feel it.” She said flatly. “I don’t know how, mum. But i could feel it. I looked at her and… I didn’t feel so sad anymore.”  
Rose pulled her daughter into a hug, her eyes threatening to water again. She lifted the girl into her arms again, standing and facing the Doctor.  
“Doctor,” Rose said aloud, the strangeness of the word caught her slightly off guard. She wasn’t used to the tingle that word left in her mouth. It had been a long time since she’d said that word.  
“I’d like you to meet someone very special to me. The most important person in my life.”  
The young girl reached her hand out as far as it would go, shining a spectacular smile towards the Doctor. “My names Madeline Smith. Mae for short.”  
The Doctor smiled and shook her hand. “It’s so very lovely to meet you beautiful Mae. You have no idea.” 

~~

Somewhere, a few miles away, the TARDIS unbolted her doors. She knew though, that perhaps it would be a while before she saw her Doctor again. And she was just fine with that.


End file.
